Why the Grey ribbon?

Painting has always been something I have enjoyed doing for various reasons. When I first began painting, I was a teenager, and it was purely a way for me to try to capture the beautiful landscape scenes that the big skies of Montana provide. It was also a way for me to escape to the basement for hours and create something real during those confusing teenage years. 

Over the years this continued to be true. I enjoyed looking at and studying art, as well as trying to apply it to my own work toward getting better as an artist. Becoming a professional artist never really was big goal. I went to college to study Criminal Justice. Art was something I enjoyed doing on the side; being a full time artist was only maybe a-way-down-the-road type of career choice.

In my late 20’s early 30’s a renewed interest in art really drove me to put time and effort into really trying to improve my talent, and the results began to show themselves in the works that were being produced. I could see real progress in my work. I found more and more resources to help increase my knowledge of the art creation process. 

Painting became not only a hobby I enjoyed doing, but a skill at which I was becoming more and more proficient. This meant more time and effort devoted to landscape painting, (as a more viable side option.) So that is what I did for the following years: worked my main job, and studied, painted, and learned on the side. 

I could see progress as I was developing my techniques. But gradually my work wasn’t making those progressive jumps that I had been accustomed to seeing. Though I was finding some of the best instructional videos and teaching materials I had ever come across to grow my talent, I was not seeing it in my work. 

My work was not getting better; it had really hit a wall, just when it really needed to take the next big steps. To add to the problem I was increasingly unable to finish a painting to my satisfaction. The typical process for me to finish a painting, (and still is), was to get it around 90% completed. Then leave it on the easel or hang it up and make a list of little corrections or changes to make it complete. The problem? I was always able to find something wrong. I would take it back to the easel, and try to fix the problems often ending in a complete reworking of the entire piece instead of correcting the few issues. Some of these paintings I reworked four to five times, only to see more problems the following days. Another interesting detail during this time, I could not see past the lines of my painting. I could not see it as a whole picture only the details and lines. I had no problem looking at other artists' works and enjoying the entire picture without being fixated on the lines, but my own work I could not enjoy and. I could not get past the lines that made up the work.

In the spring of 2016 my painting ability was at a point where I physically could no longer paint. My head, eyes and hand were no longer working together, leaving me no choice but to stop painting altogether. 

In late October I had an emergency surgery in Seattle to remove a massive brain tumor from my right frontal lobe. It ended up being a solid mass and the size of an orange. It was all a very interesting process, and recovery, which has all been mapped out on my personal Facebook. (Feel free to read about it there) They did do tests on the tumor and discovered it to be cancerous. Thankfully, I was able to complete the mix of radiation and chemo here in Billings. 

With the removal of the tumor I am able to continue to paint, and almost overnight take the next big step that I was missing in my art work. The neural communication issues keeping me from painting, and finishing my artwork have gone. I am able to produce works that I can appreciate as I continue on my art career.

Unfortunately, there exists a vast assortment of differently colored ribbons representing the different types of cancers that exist. Brain cancer is represented with a grey ribbon. Sadly, only a few main types of cancers really get the spotlight and the recognition they all deserve. 

Going forward my completed paintings will have a grey ribbon placed on them for two main reasons. First reason, to bring awareness to brain cancer: Having had the tumor/brain cancer has changed my life forever. Life does continue on as a person and artist. The post tumor/brain cancer life now has frequent MRI and Dr appointments to see if the tumor or cancer have returned. Life now also has a list of inabilities\deficits both physically and mentally that effect everyday life for me and consequently my family. 

The second reason I put a grey ribbon on the paintings is a reminder: That, yes, cancer stinks, including all the unknowns that come along with cancer. But I am still alive, running the race of life. Painting is a dream and a passion I am able currently to invest my time, talents and treasures. My hope is these paintings encourage others with inspiration, joy and beauty, as well as to have others live life to their fullest with their time, talents and treasures. To follow your dreams and passions no matter what obstacles may come your way in life. 

As a Christian I have confidence through Christ Jesus', death and resurrection, my ultimate life after death is secure. As a result the uncertainties of living with brain cancer/tumor or the reoccurrence of either one can fade away, and I can continue on being grateful for each day I receive. Pressing on in life with with my family by my side until I am finally called home.

Sincerely, 

Sean McCotter